Ep. 64 – You Are Not What You Went Through | DeDe Hardeman

Welcome, survivors, seekers, and thrivers.

I'm your host, Shari Leigh Roberts, psychic

medium,

energy healer, and living proof that you

can transform your pain into power.

Each episode, we dive into trauma healing,

developing your intuitive gifts,

and reclaiming your life.

Get ready for real stories,

deep wisdom, and a little laughter along

the way.

Every

once

in a

while,

I

come

across

someone

who

I

connect

with

energetically

even

before

meeting

them.

Today,

my guest

is

De

De

Hardeman.

She is

an actress,

best-selling

author,

but

more

importantly,

a

survivor

and

thriver

of

domestic

abuse

and

sexual

assault.

Yet

today

we are going

to

see her

at her

best,

and

she

has

overcome

all

of

that

shit

to

live

her

purpose

and

beautiful

life

of

terrible

story

telling

of

water

and

her

alter

persona

of the

mermaid.

Thank you

so

much

for

being

here.

Well, thank you so much for having me.

I'm so excited.

I love being here.

Thank you.

Well,

and

for

everyone

tuning in,

I

want

them to

know

that

DeDe

was

has

been realized a

couple

days

ago.

Yeah,

today

she is like,

no,

I'm coming on.

I'm doing

this. And

wow,

that

is

the

warrior

spirit

that connects

with

millions.

Thank you,

girl.

Can you

in

a couple

of sentences

or

briefly

tell our audience

where you

were

mentally

physically

when

you

began

your

healing

journey.

When I first began, I was

super young.

I was like 21, 22.

I had been in my

DV relationship

and sexually assaulted in college.

So

physically and mentally,

I didn't

know where to start.

I had kind of grew up

differently than what I was experiencing in

college.

I wasn't able to run track anymore.

So that was,

you know, big for me to release

everything.

So I was just in

a, I was in a space where I was confused.

I was disappointed.

I was embarrassed.

And

I just didn't want to feel like that

anymore.

Yeah,

it

was something

that

that

times

always

feel

responsible,

and

embarrassed.

Yet

we

had

no

choice. It

happened

to

us.

How

did

you

step

out of

guilt

into

your

power?

Well, just like you said, I don't know why

we feel responsible.

We feel embarrassed.

You don't want to talk about it.

I actually did not go through

with my court case

because I was so embarrassed.

But once

I

started to discover that

I

became panicky,

I was having anxiety attacks,

things that I had never experienced

when I was younger,

I knew that that was just

my ancestors and my spirit team trying to

get me to understand

whatever happened to me

was not my fault.

There was nothing that I could have said,

done different.

then

that was just the nature

of

the men that did it to me. So once

I

started going to therapy, once I started to

discover myself,

I was like, well,

that shit is, excuse my French, but that

shit's crazy that

I

am blaming myself.

So I had to really do

a lot of shadow work,

reconnect spiritually.

And in

essence, that's why I found the water. But

yeah, once you kind of sit down and, 'cause

you hear people say it all the time, it's

not your fault, it's not your fault, it's

not your fault, or people close to you,

there are other people that, well, you

shouldn't have did this, you shouldn't have

worn that, you shouldn't have been there.

Yeah,

I got all of that.

So

the second guessing,

and I started to second guess myself, well,

maybe if I would've just stayed home, or

maybe if I would've wore,

it wouldn't have mattered.

It wouldn't have mattered.

Once he got it in his head that that's what

he wanted to do, that's what he did.

And once my ex

got in his head, he wanted to fight me,

that's just what he did.

There was nothing I can say, do,

he just wanted to fight.

Once I started to

remember who I was

and understand that

like there's that really had nothing to do

with me.

I started to evolve.

I really want to work on anxiety because

anxiety is not fun.

You know, panic attacks aren't fun.

Yeah.

And I never had, I

ran on the biggest stages.

I

perform, you know, but anxiety was never,

you know, I was

I was I was confident, you know, I was

always confident.

So to lose my confidence, to lose kind of

my spark,

to lose like my laughter,

to start looking like I was tired

all the time, crying all the time.

I didn't want to

feel like that.

So

yeah, that's when it, when I

first

tried to commit suicide, that was a turning point

for me.

How

were you

and

was

that during

your

college

years?

So the first time, you know that happened

twice, I want to say,

the first time I was in college,

I was

19,

19, 20 is when I first started dating him.

I was

overwhelmed,

nobody knew what was going on, so

Nobody can kind of fix it.

So my track coach was like,

You're not running well.

You know, my professors were like,

You're failing.

And I never fail.

I never run

slow, you know, so, but they didn't know

what was going on.

So once I lost everything...

Yeah.

Ask.

What happened?

Tell me.

Share.

Let

me

help

you.

You

were

not

who

I

know.

What

happened?

Did

anyone

do

they

forward you?

I give

some of my friends a lot a lot of credit.

They can tell something was wrong.

But my ex did a good job at isolating me.

So

I isolated myself.

I wasn't talking to everybody.

I wasn't going to parties anymore.

I wasn't hanging out anymore.

So it was hard for them to kind of

pinpoint like maybe she just, you know,

it's just a lot, you know, maybe it's just a lot.

And

he did a good, you know, he was also very

popular too.

He played on football teams. So

it was very hard to believe that he was

doing anything.

You know,

I'm kind of the wild child.

And so, yeah, DeDe's just going through

whatever.

Friends did notice.

later on, because he and I did have fights,

we had a huge fight on my 19th birthday.

So that's when my friends were like, alert,

like, okay, wait, hold on.

That's, you know, but I wasn't telling

anybody that he hit me or,

you know, and when I was sexually

assaulted,

their minds went straight to the

perpetrator.

They didn't even know that me and my ex had

got in a big fight, that these guys broke

his jaw. It

was a whole thing.

I did not tell anyone

until I wrote my book

in

2015.

So that was

three years after I left school.

Do

you

mind

getting

more

detail

to

the

assault?

and your

boyfriend

at

the

time.

So

many

college

girls

are

victims

of the

same

things.

and

had never dealt

with it.

They

came

from

loving

homes

or homes

where

this

behavior

happened.

Police

echoes

bound

on

I was

in a relationship at the time with my

abuser

ex

and

we had gotten into

an argument.

There was a girl that I worked with

at the gym

and she could tell something was always

going on.

So she invited me to

a friend's

graduation party that

was at a school

about

two and a half hours away.

I went to SMU

and her friend went to another school

and so I didn't want to go at first and

should have listened to my instincts.

Um did not want to go but I was like

my ex has been calling me and

yada yada yada.

I'm going to go.

So, I went with her and her boyfriend.

We went to

a house

with her friends. It

was about six people there

and so I felt

safe enough 'cause we were just at the house.

It was mostly girls.

It was a couple of guys, but

we were drinking.

I remember asking her,

can

I lie down? And she says, no, we're going to

a frat party.

We're going to the actual party.

I said, no, I'm a little drunk.

Her friend was like, well, she can stay here.

And they were like, no, DeDe's fine.

She's fine.

She's all right.

So they get me in the car, we go to the party.

One of the guy hands me a drink.

I don't want to drink it.

Somehow I ended up drinking it because I

was already drunk.

My friend had brought me there.

I

ended

up

going to

vomit in the

bathroom.

Her and the girls were in there with me.

I was told I climbed in the tub.

I can't remember if they, I climbed in a

tub or they put me in the tub,

but I was drunk.

So they were just like,

she'll be fine in here.

I remember blacking out.

I remember feeling like it wasn't just

alcohol.

Like I've been drunk,

but

this is like, because I

was an athlete.

So I didn't get drunk as much.

Like I

would never get that drunk.

I'm a control freak.

I do not like

being out of control of my body.

So it

felt like it was something more.

I remember waking up to the guy that gave

me the drink

and he was making, he was white, I was black.

He kept making kind of racial comments to

me all night, but they were like

hidden under that he thought I was pretty

for a black girl.

I was the only black girl there

and all of the things.

So he had kind of an infatuation

with me.

I remember waking up to him on top of me.

I tried to fight them off again.

My limbs were like.

Like, yeah, I'm not just drunk.

I could hear

my friend like beating on the door,

like open the door.

His friend was in there,

so they're trying to like put my clothes on

and I'm still fighting them off saying no.

My friend's boyfriend kicks down the door.

He kicks open the door.

What are y'all doing? So my pants runs up,

my bra's on the other side.

So friend starts crying.

Everybody runs in

and

her boyfriend picks me up.

They start chasing me out of the party like

he didn't rape you.

Blah, blah, blah.

You're going to ruin him and that.

And so everybody's arguing.

We get back to

the house that we were supposed to be at

and

The girls come in and they say

he's

done this before.

Like they're talking among themselves like

he's done this before.

And I'm like, oh my God, they're just

letting him run wild.

She comes to me and she says, Do you want

us to take you to the hospital?

I say, Yes.

I black out the hospital.

They give me the rape kit and everything.

I wake up,

the

lady is there and

she tells me what happened.

I kind of freak out.

The detective comes in.

And

the girl that I rode with was there and

they just kind of explain

what happened, what was supposed to happen next.

My mind was still like, I don't

understand.

So when I got back to school,

my ex had been looking for me

and

he came over.

I had a hospital band on

and

we're fighting, we're yelling.

He starts making fun of me.

That's why you got raped by a white guy.

You're so stupid.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

So I said, you know, I'm not listening to

this because we're outside in the parking lot.

So I'm not listening to this.

He tries to snatch my phone.

Now we're fighting over my phone because

I'm going to call your mom and tell her you

were raped and you need to be put in a cage

like a dog. So

I'm like, don't do that because I haven't

told her.

I haven't told anybody.

He snatches my phone.

I say, you know, you can

have it. I don't

care.

I'm not fighting with you tonight.

Throws the phone at my head,

we begin to fight.

He has me down, he calls my mom, he tells

her she's four hours away.

So he calls my mom, my mom's freaking out,

now she's on the way or

she wakes up my dad, you know, now they're

on the way,

they don't know what's going on.

And so he and I, I try to go back in the

house, we continue to fight,

he has his

knee like on my neck.

So

one of my neighbors comes out and she's

yelling at him like, Why are you hitting her?

And he gets up, he's yelling at her like,

This is my girl, this is my business. And her

brothers, or

I don't know, they came out,

they had a big fight, they broke his jaw.

It

was a whole thing.

I guess.

Yeah, it was so

crazy. And so

when his father had to fly him,

My family drove in. It

was so chaotic.

I didn't tell anybody we had a fight.

I told them that we got robbed

because his jaw was

like hanging.

I still was protecting him

while I had just been sexually assaulted,

while he just hit me, and I'm still trying

to protect

everybody.

So

that's how that kind

of ended.

didn't

end

there

was

they are

the

beginning

of the y

he

went

yeah

yeah

I think that was

when he was in the hospital he was still

angry with me

um

He was mad at me,

and everybody was

focused on the

sexual assault, so then I tried to commit

suicide.

I got therapy.

I was sitting home, 'cause everybody just

thought it was the assault.

Nobody knew that he and I were fighting.

I went home for a semester.

They made me go home for a semester.

I got back into acting, that's what I was

always good at, and then

I was on Django Unchained and that's when I

chose between going back to school,

trying to go back to track and that life, or

do what Samuel Jackson says and move to LA.

Cause he did, he told me to move to LA.

And so

I moved to LA

And that

was pretty much the start of like, I'm

starting over.

So,

unreal

is

that

LA

which is

known

for

horrible

deviant

behavior.

became your

safe

place?

Okay.

Talk

about

that

you

got there.

You're in your

heard

Lee

told one

tears.

Did you

know

anyone

there?

No,

I moved there with a friend

and

he wasn't into acting and anything, but

Yeah, just moved

because I had always

been a writer.

I always been, now I didn't know I could

write TV and movies, but

I always did creative writing.

That was actually one of my minors in

English.

And I've been an actor since I was four.

They actually wanted me to move to New York

when I was 11.

I was in, you know, all the theater art

schools, but I just chose sports.

I knew sports, I didn't have, I didn't,

I didn't watch movies thinking that could be me.

I didn't understand it.

Growing up in Texas, it's like sports in

school, sports in school, you know,

football, football God and family is all Texas.

So I didn't really, you know,

know what it was. But

after being on set and talking to Samuel

Jackson, I

moved to LA and I went to the New York Film

Academy at Universal Studios.

And that's why I transferred all my

credits and things and

I think

that

what happened to me saved me in LA

because

you're so aware that things like that

happen in LA.

You're like,

yes, this is a playground.

This is the devil's playground.

And I think I was so aware

that I would get myself

out of there if I felt a way.

And my friends will tell you, I am

I never liked to ride with anybody.

Like I'm gonna get all of us

out of here if I

feel any inkling

of something bad is about to happen.

We're leaving.

We're out of here.

I want all the women out of here. So

yeah, I always

kind of kept that and I

found my tribe because of who I was

and the talents that I had.

So I made sure

that my tribe

You know, a lot of us were from Texas, so

I, you know, I found my way

at the beach, the weather,

it's all great.

And we were all learning

how to be there, but I really do think that

what happened to me actually saved me there.

And I remember

working on a production

And I met this young lady and I kind of

said I was abused kind of in

a, it

was a weird like, oh yeah, I was abused.

I was sexually assaulted.

She was like, wait, what?

I was like, oh yeah, it happened.

And that's why I moved kind of in a

regular tone.

And she was like, wait, that happened to me.

And I was like, oh my gosh.

Not realizing that people close to me, it

happened to them,

not even realizing.

And she was like,

The way you talk about it is kind of crazy,

but like, you're an amazing, like your

story is crazy.

I would read that one day, like,

you know, you should do a movie or

something and like, you would help,

you know, 'cause you're helping me, you're

giving me advice and I didn't even know you

went through it. And so

she sparked me actually to

write the film.

I'd never written a film before, ever.

I just was,

you know, I just wrote it, I wrote it by

hand actually,

and

I met,

she is my writing partner now, wow, that's

so long ago.

But I met her, she was working at

Cartoon Network,

and she said, Okay, your script is too long,

but your story is amazing.

So I met all these people that love my story.

And of course we weren't famous at the

time, we didn't know how to pitch, we

didn't know how to get money, we were just

like, This is gonna happen.

We were like, We're gonna make a movie.

That's not how

Hollywood works, just because you have an

idea don't mean you're gonna make it.

So this guy predicted it.

He said, You're gonna write a book, you're

gonna do a documentary and then you're

gonna do the movie.

And I was like, I'm gonna do the movie, I

don't wanna write no book.

And then I wrote the book

because

they kept changing the script.

We had to make it shorter.

I had to cut things. I had to

cut situations.

I couldn't say anybody's name.

And I said, Well,

I kinda want everybody to know the story.

I want them to know the story.

So I wrote the book.

And when I wrote the book,

that is when my family found out, my

friends found out, everybody found out what

happened and everybody was like, Why didn't

you say anything? What?

And then people started reaching out

saying, This happened to me

and people that were close to me that I

didn't even know and this happened to me in

childhood and you inspired me.

And that inspired me to start my charity.

And then that was heavy

on me because I'm still young, I'm still

trying to figure it out myself,

I'm doing this fashion show for survivors.

And so I'm

getting

anxious,

like, oh my God, how am I going to help all

these people and the charity and I don't

even know what I'm doing.

And then COVID came and shut everything down.

So it was like, okay,

let's sit down for a second because I'm

trying to save.

It's crazy because I actually just saved a

woman in Berlin.

So I can tell that story actually just

a month ago, not even a month ago, I'd

saved a woman in Berlin and I tried to save

a woman in San Antonio like three months ago.

So my therapist thinks I'm a guardian angel.

A guardian angel.

That's what she

said. She's

like, you're a guardian angel.

But

that's when I got into water.

Cause I said, well, I need to,

I can't be anxious with people coming to me

because they feel like they can come to me

and

hear what happened to them.

And then they kind of expect me to

help them and have advice.

And I can't do that if

I,

am so anxious and I kind of didn't

finish healing myself.

I can't,

yeah, I can't really help you

and I don't even know what's going on with me

yet.

I wanna help, I have this charity, I have

this event,

but I don't want it to just be an event.

People have come to me at the events that

you really helped me and inspired me and I

wanna keep that,

but I don't

wanna overwhelm myself.

So then I found water and diving and

mermaiding and that

changed everything.

How

did you

find

water?

It

sounds

like

water had

never

been

part

of

you.

for me

and

I didn't

know what went early on in

my

life

but

water

always

gave

me

calm

And

peace

might

have

been

momentary,

but it

always

did and continues.

was like

that

how

it

happened

for

you?

Yeah,

every time me and my ex would get in a fight,

my friends would know to find me at a

waterfall or a pool.

Didn't know why, it was just always called,

my best friend named, my two best friends named,

you're both of them credit,

but my bestie is like the one, she's like,

she's probably by water.

I always just wanted to be by water,

it helped me think.

And then I started to love waterfalls.

When I was traveling, I just liked

waterfalls.

I just wanted to go to the waterfall.

Everybody knew if we took a trip,

we were going to find a waterfall.

DeDe likes waterfalls.

And then in LA,

we had access to the beach.

So I would always go to the beach.

I would talk to my ancestors.

I would do what I could

ritual wise. And

that

water,

it

was crazy because

during COVID, we found a secret

beach.

pathway.

And

I was like, oh, we've

hit the spot.

So I would go there to think.

And it was like,

it was a good little drive.

You know, it's LA's traffic and it's like

past Malibu, but it's like, it was like

this spot and it was just so beautiful.

I could see the sky.

And then I started traveling more

and me and my travel partner just like to

do things.

So we would try scuba diving everywhere.

We would just try it.

Like we was like, oh, let's just go.

And then she got

her scuba diver certification.

I was like,

I want my scuba

certification.

But before that,

I found freediving.

And I was like, oh my gosh, they're diving

without

a tank.

And I can see like the freedom in them.

And I found Tatiana.

She's a freediver from Cape Verde

and she taught herself how to swim and

she overcame addiction.

And I'd seen her page and I was like,

I just love her.

And I was trying to like, I was like, oh my

God, we should write your book.

And she was like, oh my gosh, I don't know

if I'm ready to write a book.

And we just started talking.

I said, well, I think I wanna

freedive.

How is it? And she was like, man, it really

like...

Because you have to do yoga.

You have to do breathing work before you

get in the water.

So scuba diving is a little bit like you got

the

machine,

you can breathe underwater.

You can put it on.

As long

as you're fine,

you can get in the water.

freediving.

You cannot

panic.

There's so much breathing.

And so

You

really have to regulate your nervous system

to stay in the water,

to not panic.

It was like

a whole class day on just breathing.

And so I thought that was so beautiful

because

how is

swimming underwater teaching me how to

breathe?

That's so ironic to me.

And

so I

did that,

got to scuba diving.

Now scuba diving is like easy to me.

And

then I found mermaiding this year and I was

just like,

mind blown.

Holy

shit.

Okay,

so

tell

me

how

you

did

free

dive.

I

am not

a scuba

I

ever

I

have

done

snorkeling

yeah

held my

breath

going

down

come

up and

for my

life.

And then

I was

like,

I'm okay.

You're okay.

And go down.

But

for

the

diving

is

a whole nother

ball

game.

Did

that girl

teach you

or

did

you

learn

on

your

own?

So I've always been able to

kind of stay down for a long time

underwater.

And so,

but you do train. It is

way harder.

Because the deeper you go,

the more you panic.

Yeah, you're like,

oh my goodness, the pressure.

So we went to Pranamaya

freediving school.

So it was a birthday treat.

So me and my diving partner went to

Playa del Carmen, Mexico.

They have one of the best freediving

schools.

And that's where Tatiana,

she knows them.

So it kind of, and that's where she was.

So it was kind of like, oh, I'm gonna meet her

and I want to get there. So

we just called the school and say, what is the

process?

And, you know, they have levels to it.

So you learn in a classroom,

you learn in the pool, and then you get in

the cenotes.

So

it was like three,

four hours of like class work.

So scuba diving, you have a BCD, which is

your breathing machine.

And so you have a tank,

you have your fins and you have a breathing

machine.

And as long as you keep breathing

underwater scuba,

as long as you don't kind

of run out of air,

there is

a learning curve.

You know, you have to equalize, you gotta

equalize your ears, you gotta, you know,

balance.

So there's a lot of that learning in it.

freediving is the same way, except you

don't have the luxury of breathing

underwater.

You take one breath

and you just dive.

And so

we learned in the pool, you have to get to

two minutes.

You have to be able to stay

underneath the water

on one breath for two minutes

on pool day.

That

seems like for everyone you're doing it.

Okay,

will

this

go

by

you

have

weight

on

you?

Do

you

have

weight

when your

free

dive?

Yeah, usually we have like a weight belt.

Let me see if

I have mine.

If you're very buoyant.

And

so this is, these are the weights.

They're like a pound.

It's

funny, I just got a new one.

So these are like the weights.

So you put them on a weight belt

and you tie it around and depending on how

buoyant you are,

depends on how many weights

you do.

So I'm super buoyant.

I'm like

125, 130 pounds. My

body just likes to float.

But some people are very muscular, like my

boyfriend now, he's super muscular, so he sinks.

So you have to balance.

You have to learn how to balance and be

buoyant

because you can't,

when you're diving with sharks, you don't

want to just sink.

You want to like

balance, yeah, you want to balance and be

able to come up

You want to be able to come up when you

need air

faster,

but you also want to be able to go down,

you know.

My coach can stay under for like five

minutes.

Wow.

Yeah, like four or five minutes.

How

far

down

can you go

when

you can hold it

there

long?

So I can go around

to pass, you gotta go around 12 meters,

which is about six

feet. I think

I

get

the metric system.

But

they, once you

learn,

because people have set records, it's a sport.

They can go very, very,

very deep.

You can go

20

meters 30 like they can go they can touch

the bottom of some oceans they can come back up

um

it's

it's really how

there is

no

balance

I

am in

I

understand

with

good

but

then

you go

down

and

then you have

to come

up

slowly

that's

not

true

with

free

diving

thing

you can come up fast they they kind of

They teach you how, because your ears, you

still have pressure.

So you don't want to come up too fast.

You still have to equalize.

But yes, you can come up

more often and faster

than in scuba because scuba, you're

breathing in a certain type of

air.

So it's creating bubbles.

So you can get the,

they

call the SIDS.

I have to look back at it, but you could

get like bubbles in your blood.

That's why you can't fly.

24 hours after you scuba dive,

you get the bends.

Yes, you get the bends.

With

freediving,

you're holding in a breath that you take

on

the surface

and then you're diving and that's the only

breath.

You use that breath to equalize

and you use that breath to swim.

So it's just, it's the breath that you take.

And some people are

really good at

Not panicking because

in class we learned that you have about

five minutes of air in your body.

So you can take a really good breath.

You have about five minutes before your

body shut down.

Unless you think, you know, some people can

do 10 minutes or I think the longest

I think you can do, I have to look.

But

yeah, like when they do

the competitions, they're going down deep

and it's one breath.

You do have people that black out.

You can black out. Yeah.

But they do teach you how to, you know,

watching somebody black out, they'll carry you.

You know, you

never dive alone.

Because that can happen.

You can think that you can start getting

delirious.

So those things can happen.

That's why

they train us to kind of recognize that.

So if you can't go super deep, don't try to

go super deep.

But it takes practice and training

and

But it's really, it's

so beautiful

when you're swimming in the ocean and you

can be like

one with the water and then you see

animals, you may see like a whale shark or

a turtle or a shark,

and you're just swimming along with them

and you don't have to go to the surface

and you're just

in there.

You know, some people

do core research.

It's a lot of different ways, some people

do ocean cleanup and they can just stay

underwater.

And some people like me, just nervous

regulation and you want, you know, you want

to teach people how to

save the ocean and how to save themselves,

you know, so I'm learning that and just,

just be one with the water.

We need the water.

We need the ocean, you know, we need it.

We

need

to

live.

Well,

the

mer

maid

part

Oh man.

I actually didn't know that was a thing

until this year.

So

my friends know me

as,

they call me

the Black Little Mermaid.

You know, they think they just like, she is

in the water.

They know I'm diving.

They don't wanna come with me.

And I

was doing all these underwater photo shoots

and they were like, oh my, it's so

beautiful.

So actually

a friend tagged me, her name is Mermaid

Sirenity.

She's one of the most

famous mermaids in the world.

They tagged me in a post and said, are you

going to this? And it was a post about

her mermaid camp or her hosting a mermaid camp

in Italy.

And it was like, come learn how to be a

mermaid.

This is an actual thing.

And I was like,

what is that?

And so I started researching

and it is

Absolutely awesome.

Like they have mermaid camps.

They perform in

aquariums.

And I feel like I've seen, you know, I've

seen a couple of mermaids, but I didn't

know it was like a community.

They have like festivals.

They have classes for people.

And that's one of the things I want to do,

especially for the Black youth.

kids how to swim. And

I was like, well, if I gotta put on a

mermaid tail,

that'll

get some people in there, right? So

I just started researching.

And so I said, well, I'm just gonna go to

the camp.

And my family's super supportive.

Everybody was like, of course you find a

mermaid camp

in Italy.

Go

see if you like it.

So I went to just see what it was,

if I liked it.

Mermaid Serenity has like 7 million

followers.

So I was like, if I wanna learn from

anyone,

it's her.

And she is the

sweetest,

oh my goodness,

so sweet.

We're like besties, okay?

She might be like,

but

she lives in Hawaii.

And

since I free dived, it's a little, you know,

as long as you can stay under the water, but

it's hard with a tail,

but it's

so

fun.

And she just told us about performing and

how she brings joy.

And I remember we were doing,

we did a performance

And the little girls that were there

were just

so excited.

They were just like, oh my goodness, there

are mermaids in the water and it was just

beautiful.

They wanted to take pictures.

They wanted to

ask questions and can I touch your tail? And

it was just

so beautiful.

I did not know this existed.

I

was at a restaurant the other day, not

kidding.

A little girl had the same hair as me and

so she turns around and she says, we have

the same hair.

And she says, Did you know I was a mermaid?

And everyone at my table

says,

Did you know she's an actual mermaid? And I

asked her parents, can I show a video?

Now she wants to learn, she wants a tail.

She was just so enamored.

She would not stop talking to me.

Her parents had to tell her, let her eat.

I was like, I just got my legs

so I can walk on land and she wants to be a

mermaid.

And so things like that.

But it's also getting her to learn how to swim,

and learning those types of skills,

which is

my main thing for me,

because

a lot of people are drowning or they don't

know what to do with water situations or they

go on cruises or they never get the

experience,

water sports or turtles or anything, or

like they snorkel and they freak out,

you know, they snorkel and they're just

like, oh my gosh, if you would have just

stayed like three minutes longer,

you would have

seen this turtle

or, you know, it's just so euphoric and

it helps with nervous

system regulation.

A lot of nervous system regulation teachers

teach about

being in the water and I'm into water

fitness now where we work out underwater.

It's just, it's just a beautiful community

and I just did not know that existed.

So shout out to my friend that tagged me.

So now

I'm taking mermaiding like very seriously

because it's just, it's

not only beautiful, but again, it helps with

nervous system regulation and just helps

people.

It's just community and it helps people get

in the water.

And

again, I have so many survivors that follow me.

And they're always like, well, if DeDe

can do it, I can do it.

I wanna

meet with her and meet up.

And so

that's something I'm implementing in my

charity, which is Water Confidence,

because the water can give you confidence, but it

really teaches you how to breathe.

And I know

as victims, we just don't breathe.

Everything is sometimes panic mode and

we get tight. Like

my therapist tells me all, loosen your

shoulders, ma'am.

Like please, like every, in my back,

everything hurts,

but in the water, you just learn to release

it and you're just like, okay, let's just

breathe.

It helps with my anxiety 'cause I'm like,

okay, just run in the water.

It's five, four, three, two, one,

do box breathing.

And you do all that before you even get in

the water.

So I just think it's a great,

Even if you never thought you could be a

mermaid, it's just like, well, just come

learn, just come meet the water.

Just come learn how to breathe

for a second.

Just like, let's just relax for a second,

not freak out, you know? Try something

you've never done.

Absolutely.

And

that

guy

in

Berlin,

who

was

a guest

at

your

hotel

where

you

had

your

mermaid

fin on

you

were in the pool or

outside

he

walks

up

Tell

us...

It

was

so

hilarious.

I had a hotel collaboration with

The Yard,

Berlin,

with Little Big Hotels.

I actually went to Berlin to

watch

basketball. So

the games were over and

one of the main things, of course, as a

mermaid, I gotta go check out the pool.

So I'm like carrying

this mermaid tail and everybody was like,

What is happening?

So I get there and I'm setting up the

camera and I'm trying to put the mermaid

tail on and he's just like,

because there's the pool and then there's a sauna

in the back and there's a gym, so it's all

kind of connected.

It's such a beautiful, oh my goodness, such

a beautiful indoor pool.

So he walked out the sauna and he sees this

girl with this long mermaid tail

and he's about to walk out and he doesn't

know if he should speak.

So I go, hi, you know, I'm so afraid, hi.

And he walks over, he's like, I am, I'm

confused, but I'm excited about this.

What's happening? And I said, well, I'm a

mermaid.

And he's like, so you're

a mermaid.

I said, yes.

And he's like, I don't understand what that means.

I was like,

I have a tail, I'm a mermaid.

So

I'm showing him older videos.

He's touching the tail.

He's like, wait, I didn't even know this

existed.

So he was super

excited.

He was like, oh my gosh, wait till I tell

my daughters.

I came over here 'cause I thought you were

a famous

influencer

'cause I saw your cameras and things, he's

like, but

I didn't

know what that was, a towel.

But I saw you putting it on.

I'm like, it's a mermaid tail.

He was like, can I see

how it works?

Do

you actually swim? And I said, yeah. So I

swam through and he was like, that

is the coolest thing I've ever seen.

And he was like, well, I wish you all the luck.

I just

want to tell you that that is awesome and to

keep doing it.

But he was so

flabbergasted.

He was just like,

what's going on there? Why do you have a tail?

Why do you have a tail? Like,

are you a dragon? Is it Game of Thrones?

Are you doing, you know,

are you dressing

up? And I was like, no, I actually swim in this.

Yeah,

he thought I was dressing up and taking a

picture for Instagram and

it was some kind of

outfit.

And I said, no, no, no, I'm

taking pictures for the hotel.

I'm actually about to swim in this thing.

And he was like, can I just, he's like, I

don't wanna be rude, can I just, I'm not a

crazy stalker.

You're telling me you're a mermaid.

I just want to see it.

And I was like, sure.

And I swam across the pool.

I was like, see? And he was like, wow,

that's

cool.

He's like, wait until I tell my daughters

that I met a

mermaid, like

on a business trip.

I met a mermaid, guys.

Love. Yeah.

Okay.

What?

What?

Will you

give

to

people who

hear

your

story?

You are not

what you went through.

If you feel like you went through something

where you're blaming yourself, just

understand that.

And

I know it is a cliche,

but

you really can

do what it is that you dream of doing.

You do not have to let anything or anyone

keep you down.

Yes, we've

been through some trauma, but know that

there are people

out there that want to help you.

you know, and want to build a community,

but

really understand that

you can really do whatever it is that you

want to do.

You have free will.

You're not in that situation. If you

are in that situation,

we want to get you out of that situation. But

any situation where you feel like

your world is over is not.

It is not over.

It's just beginning as you heal

and

Yeah, we have free will.

So make yourself happy

because you cannot pour from

an empty glass for anyone.

If you aren't happy,

then you can't make everybody else happy.

You can't continue

to

thrive and elevate

the way that

you were meant to be.

So

not your fault.

Trauma is not your fault.

You can come out of that

and be what it is that you want to be

and love yourself

before you love anybody else.

Beautiful.

So

well

said

particularly

from

someone who tried

to

end

their

life

what,

two

times?

and

look at

you

someone

who has

found

their

path

water

acting I mean

that

is

a call out

to

everyone

to

follow

what is

calling

them

thank you

what

a pleasure

Thank you for listening.

If today's conversation resonated with you

and you're ready to explore your own

healing journey or intuitive gifts,

I'd love to work with you.

I offer psychic medium readings,

energy healing sessions, and intuitive

development guidance at shariroberts.org.

And if you're not quite ready for a session

but want to be a part of the conversation

in a supportive community,

join my private Facebook group.

The link is in the show notes.

You can also connect with me on LinkedIn,

Facebook, and Instagram.

This is Shari Leigh Roberts.

Until next time, remember,

you're never alone.